sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
