Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
