True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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