I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
