I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
