i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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