PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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