worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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