Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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