Whod you bang
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
