i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
