Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
