Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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