i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Are my feet made of real feet?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
