I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
