I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
