3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
