the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The adults are the big ones right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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