omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
