i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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