So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
