apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
