How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
