dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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