I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
