Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
