Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize