Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
