I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm at about main and main street
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
