I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
