Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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