I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
