a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
