My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
