No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
