He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
