planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
