New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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