Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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