i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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