Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
