He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
