i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have post one night stand depression
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
