I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Panties = found
Randomize
