We're facebook friends in real life
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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