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I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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