its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday