made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
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Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Holy sore nipples Batman
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was