fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?