Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
