your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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