Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
