Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
