I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
