I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
