Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
