When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
