Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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