I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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