i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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