Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
