i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
