Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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