First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
