Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
