My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
