My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
