Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
