Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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