You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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