not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
When are your genitals available?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
