im having a threesome with these popsicles
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She bit a glass in half.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
