Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
