do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
