She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
