the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
