I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
