I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
