its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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