She is in my trunk
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
