Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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