Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So vagazzling was a success
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
