do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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